FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE or FOR BETTER, FOR BEST?

Marriage is a relationship that is based on covenant. Every covenant is based on terms and conditions. Marriage covenant is not an exemption here.

Christian marriage is one that is based on scripture-rooted codes usually prepared as “Profession of Vows and Covenant” which are usually deposed to on the wedding day. Even for those who didn’t get married in the church, and so didn’t actually profess this when they got married, as Christians operating under the “New Covenant” consecrated by the Lord’s precious blood, the same term is intrinsically applicable.

One very important aspect of the terms is the one that requires the couple to stay married “for better, for worse”.

What does this really mean? Are all married people living true to this terms, especially those who actually swore to this salient terms before the altar of the Living God on their wedding day?

I have read some worrisome write-ups on this issue, especially internet-based.

Let me quote one that well reflects this.

“Does “for better or for worse” mean that you are married for life — regardless of the violations committed against you in the marriage? The answer is No! Nor has it ever meant that.

There are two separate and distinct areas from where attacks against the marriage covenant arise:

From within the marriage itself — through the partners of the covenant.

From outside the marriage relationship — against the marriage partners.

“For better or for worse” is a commitment by the marriage partners to rise-up together against those situations that would threaten the marriage covenant relationship from outside the marriage.

Mistakenly applying this part of the marriage vow to attacks that come from within the marriage relationship automatically turns the marriage covenant into an indissolvable, unbreakable, unconditional covenant (a covenant without conditions — anything goes). Meaning, you have to stay married to that person no matter what abuses or violations they have committed against you in the relationship. Not even God makes unbreakable unconditional covenants with sinful man. Yet, we have accepted this mistaken application as truth thereby believing that a marriage covenant with two sinful people is supposed to be “unconditional” — without any conditions.”

As beautiful and educative as this appears, I find it hard to agree with some claims therein.

For instance, the writer classified attacks against marriage covenant into two viz: [1] From within the marriage [2] From outside the marriage. That’s not bad.  However, to narrow the fulfilment of the “for better, for worse” term to “attacks against covenant” (whatever that means?) only seem to me as being very myopic and defective.  Worse still, to claim that the term is only applicable to “attacks from outside the marriage” seems to be cheap permissivism, if not escapism.

I think the term has much more to do with the couple’s response to and handling of the vagaries of life in totality as it concerns the general health and well-being of the home. Of course, these include attacks arising against the home, whether from within or from without, but not exclusively to that.

What I believe God is preparing the couple’s heart towards through this term is to be ready to strive on together in mutual love and sacrifice in the face of unavoidable and common life’s ups and downs. God seems to have foreseen [of course, He knows man to the core!] the injuries that man’s natural tendency to feel high and hopeful only when things are rosy and blissful but to wish-out at the seasons of lowness could bring upon the sacred union. Every man loves the comfort-zone of life but is naturally resistive to the otherwise. We all have the proneness to flee from every appearance of challenge to our comfort and convenience, even though the reality of the present life is that such is an inescapable reality!

God knew that tendencies that will amount to breach of the sacredness and sanctity of the marriage relationship are sure to raise their ugly heads in any home that is not firmly “bonded” under such term whenever such a home is confronted with life’s challenges, whether emanating from within or from without.

For instance, without such a divine injunction, every man should have been just to throw out a woman who had lost her beauty [for reasons of sickness, accident, etc.] so that a reigning beauty could come in in her stead [or which man doesn’t desire a beautiful bird?]. Also, the moment the man is not bringing in enough cash to meet the home’s “wants” [e.g. when he has lost a job, or in case of business failure], then the woman could seek for a rosier alternative [or which woman does desire a man who could always comfortably meet all her wants?]. It takes God-fearing, covenant-keeping married partners to remain committed and faithful to themselves at such low seasons of life.

Moreover, offences are not wanting in any human relationship. Marriage is such where offences are rife. There is no marriage where husband and wife live completely immune to stepping on one another’s toes occasionally – no, not one have I seen! God never expects every and any relational offences to become cheap alibi for dissolving of human relationships. Otherwise, no man will ever have a friend! That’s why God prescribes for the “7 times 7” offences per day before we should probably exhaust the grace to forgive. In other words, God requires us to be ready to forgive our partners all offences (whatever they may be – big or small, mild or cruel!) up to 490 committed against us within 24 hours! I don’t think even the Devil could go that stretch against any man per day! Simply, this talk of unlimited forgiveness for whatever offence: and we can obtain that grace from the Lord that also forgave us all the even more grievous trespasses we committed against Him.

I believe the above is the fundamental demand of such a term as “for better, for worse” in the marriage covenant.

The increasingly spiritually cold-hearted humanity is keener to seek for and embrace watered-down gospel. Wherever that’s come bye or presented, the natural man is pampered and pleased! Man prefers the easy and permissive way over the strictly virtuous-laden and obedient-demanding way of the Creator. What a calamity!

More irony! Even some church leaders today, inadvertently subscribing to the damnable ethos, have “lowered the shekel of the sanctuary” in the “Deed of Vows and Covenant” prepared for marrying couples in their churches. The term “for better, for worse” is now conveniently rendered “for better, for best”! Which means, “For better, you stay; for worse, you stroll”! In essence, the marriage of this view does not envisage or expect any “worse” moment to arise in relation to the home. It must be all-better, all-best, at all times! What a utopian world of marriage would that be!

No wonder it has become so easy to compromise the one-flesh marital bond even based on laughable and flimsy excuses. The God that created the union knows that the environment wherein it must be operated can sometimes be unavoidably antagonistic and unpalatable; yet, He demands utmost faithfulness and life-long commitment from the two people involved, towards each other and towards the home.

Who can meet this demand but he or she whose mind is made up to follow the Lord all the way even in the running of his/her home, rather than trekking the world’s path? Are you such a man or woman? It’s better answered in practice!

May you be wise-hearted!

God bless you.

 

Author: Dayo St. John

[Pastor Dayo St. John is God’s Helmsman for Help for the Family Ministry. He and his family, as well as the Ministry’s Headquarters, are based in Lagos, Nigeria.]

info@helpforthefamily.com

helpforthefamilyministry@gmail.com

Note: Be a part of our daily devotional tagged “THE FAMILY ALTAR”. It is posted on weekly tranches (Sunday – Saturday) on our Website [on the page: THE FAMILY ALTAR], and daily on the Ministry’s FB Page: www.facebook.com/HelpfortheFamilyMinistryLagosNigeria

 

Get your copies of deeply enriching books from Pastor Dayo St. John, on AMAZON! Please visit www.amazon.com/author/dayostjohn

 

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