PRINCIPLES FOR FRUITFUL FAMILY ASSESSMENT

 

# Objective

That husband and wife should periodically take deliberate look into their lives, marriage and family, with intent at identifying areas of strengths and weaknesses, success and failures; so as to know where changes and improvement are needful, and to agree on designed process and actions to achieve desired changes and improvement.

 

# Model

We are taking our model from the Lord Jesus Christ. He did an excellent assessment on His “marriage and family” as we read about His letter to the 7 churches of the Asian Minor in the days of John the beloved apostle. We can read the letters in Revelation 2:1-3:22. Let us see His letter to the Ephesians’ Church in Revelation 2:1-7, for example. There we can derive His excellent principles for adoption in our own family assessment:

“2:1 Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write; These things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks; 2:2 I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: 2:3 And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name’s sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. 2:4 Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. 2:6 But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitanes, which I also hate. 2:7 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.”

 

# Principles

The Assessor:

• verse 1 clearly identify who the Assessor is. He is Jesus Christ
• The quality of the assessment is determined by the quality (spirit and character) of the assessor
• Let us see Jesus, the model Assessor:
• He is holy, righteous and just
• He is truthful, honest
• He is frank, uncompromising, unhypocritical
• His assessment is powered by His love for “His spouse and family”
• His desire is not to hurt but to help; for the betterment of “His family”.

Application

• Let husband and wife ensure that they adopt the “quality” of Christ in undertaking needful assessment.

 

The Assessment:

• verse 2, 3, 4 & 6 give us the assessment.
• This comes in 2 parts:
• recognition of & commendation for good works (strengths, positive attitudes and actions, commendable deeds) – verses 2, 3 & 6
• identification and condemnation of bad works (shortcomings, failings, what could have been done better) – verse 5

Application

• avoid critical spirit, accusation and counter-accusation. Let the assessment be unhypocritical. Pick on real and relevant issues only. Consider relevant details, plus and minus

 

Recommendation:

• needful corrective actions – verse 5

Application

• Agree on definite action-plan aimed at righting all identified wrongs, and producing desire change/improvement

 

Reward:

• for right changes and works – verse 7

Application

• Let all things be done in genuine hope of benefits – individuals and corporate

 

Pst Dayo St. John

Help for the Family Ministry

Lagos, Nigeria

 

D

 

I DON’T KNOW IF THIS STORY IS REAL OR FICTION! NEVERTHELESS, THE LESSONS ARE FOR SOME BREED OF PARENTS

Remember the 15year old girl who committed suicide in the school? Here is her SUICIDE NOTE.
What is your take on this?

“Dear mum,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write you this note, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.

Mum, I want you to know that I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am given the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.

But unfortunately, I know that there is not going to be any such opportunity.

Mum, I didn’t want to do this, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.

I tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about thirteen months now until my strength failed me.

You and dad could not decipher what I was going through and maybe I should not blame you for that.

My one and only brother came very close to understanding what I was passing through but it was too much for his young mind to comprehend.

Mum, I know that you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove that to me but I was not feeling loved.

You provided for me more than I even wanted, took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was longing for love.
I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.

The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.
Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Your brother, Uncle Tony who came to live with us, made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.
He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.

He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.

Mum, your brother raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.
When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.
I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.

Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.

The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Tony and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Tony’s absence created in me.
Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some time with me so that we could talk?

There are many things I would have liked to tell you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.

Please make sure that my brother David doesn’t get to the point where I am now.

Also, tell your friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids before it gets too late.

Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.
I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.

But one cheering thing is that David is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.

My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table.

I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.
Tell dad and David that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.

Goodbye mum.”

That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life.

LESSONS FROM THE GIRL’S SUICIDE NOTE
1. Parents, do you find yourself to be “too” busy and tired to be in the present moment with your children? Are you more invested in your job and house duties than spending time with your kids?

2. Let your child know they are loved for who they are, and that you are always there to support them.

3. For the past few weeks, the social media has been awashed with many suicide stories on the pages of the media. Many more may still come.

4. Be a supportive parent and actively listen without judgment and seeking to understand their concerns and challenges. Being a supportive parent means having your child’s best interests at heart but also being present, involved and helpful.

5. Treat your child fairly and develop a trusting relationship.

6. Always acknowledge your child’s achievements and supporting them through mistakes and challenges.

7. Parents, let’s ALWAYS be there for our children in the way that we would have wanted our parents to be there for us.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, my heart bleeds. Words failed me!