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Our answers will come to you via the email address wherewith your questions are sent.

Please note that our answers are strictly Bible-based, and in uncompromising defence of God’s design of and purpose in marriage. 

 

Please note that, for the good of many, our answer to your question may be published. However, we assure you of the secrecy of your identity.

Thanks.

 

 

Question:

Can I get married to someone whom my dad doesn’t really like, irrespective of the love the guy and I share? I need an advice.

 Answer:

Thanks for trusting us with your inquiry. May the Holy Spirit lead you in all ways to God’s perfect will for your life. Amen.

Here is my counsel, in view of God’s word:

1. Marriage is strictly between two persons – man and woman – who are truly in love, led by clear leading “word” from the Lord.
   2. However, it is important to go into marriage with parental consent and blessing. In that case, you need your parents’ [here, dad’s] consent to whoso comes asking your hands in marriage. They deserve that honour.
   3. In this case of your dad not liking the man you are “in love” with, you need to ask him why? If you do this humbly and with respect, I see no reason why he shouldn’t tell you.
   4. If his reason is based on righteous, unbiased and unselfish reasons, then watch! Sometimes, God might employ that means to warn you of the step you are about to take into marriage! Going headlong usually bear the fruit of later regrets! In that case, you need to tread softly, go back to God in prayer for Him to confirm the position again.
   5. If, however, the reason is not founded upon godly principle as above, then, you will have to wisely, prayerfully and patiently seek and wait for your dad’s consent by the way. You could solicit mum’s help. If utmostly needful, you might seek the help of one or two persons that have positive influence on him – e.g., his pastor, his most reliable friend, etc. [But that should be a last result] PRAYER & PATIENT is the language herein!
   6. Finally, I hope you are being led by God into this relationship? If not, please, seek His word earnestly on it. HE MUST HAVE THE FINAL WORD ON THIS MATTER! If you don’t have His word at this entry point, you might be gambling after all! The word of God you hear now will not only assure you that you are in His will, it will also serve as your soul’s strong anchor when challenges come in the days to come. It will give you defence against future doubts and regrets – two terrible termites capable of eating up the root of any marriage.

May God give you perfect understanding

 

 

Question:

Am in a relationship. I have known this guy for 4yrs. We’ve been friends but not really close friends, so I didn’t know he was married. We started dating three months ago. He’s now divorced with 2 kids. He says he wants to marry me. I love him but I don’t know if he’s Gods will for me. I decided to go to God in prayer and asked Him for a sign and confirmation to know if he is the one for me. I decided to wait on the Lord from now till Thursday which is my birthday and asked Him for a sign which if I don’t get by Thursday I’ll know He’s not God’s will for me. I don’t know if it’s right to set time for God. I really need an advice. How do I know the first marriage was a mistake as he claims? If he’s truly the one for me, does God allow such mistakes to happen?

 Answer:

Dear friend, greetings. Peace of the Lord be with you. Thanks very much for trusting us with this inquiry. May the Spirit of God speak to you personally, even as we speak to you as His mouth-piece.
Do you love to hear the truth? If you are indeed a child of God [i.e. a Christian indeed], then God’s word must be your benchmark in all things.

Here’s my counsel:

1. As far as God is concerned, no marriage is ended, till death do them part! “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”[Rom. 7:2-3]. It is equally applicable to the man in that setting.
2. God hates divorce under whatsoever guise, and He never approves of that!  “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”(Malachi 2:16, NKJV). God is not a respecter of persons.
3. As far as God is concerned, getting married to a divorcee makes you share in his guilt before God. You’ll simple not be regarded by Him as married; for you aren’t really, but He will see you as AN ADULTERER! “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.” (Luke 16:18, NKJV)
4. Certainly, no adulterer has a part in the kingdom of God! He/she is God’s enemy! “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortionist, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”[1 Cor. 6:9-10]. “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”[James 4:4]
5. God never force us to His counsels, for He made us free moral agents. He leaves us with the power of choices. We all must make choices in life. BUT, every choice we make in life will always carry with it temporal and eternal consequences – good or bad. Above all, we will one day see God, for reward or for judgment, resulting from our choices in life. Praying to God on this case is a mere waste of time. It is vain to await a sign from Him on this matter also: it is heathen’s craving! His written word is given for our light. God will never approve a thing disapproved already by His eternal precepts! He will never change His word to accommodate our self-will! YOU HAVE NOT FOUND A HUSBAND, Q.E.D!

I leave you with these words from Moses, the servant of God:

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live” (Deut. 30:19, NKJV)

 

 

Question:

What is the place of desire in choosing life/marriage partner? Also who chose for Abraham, Isaac and some others in the bible? Is it God or their desire? How do we know our right partner? Must we always dream as some men of God will ask “what did you see?”; and if we see nothing, what can we do? Please sir, shed more light.

 Answer:

Let me take your points in order:

1. Place of desire: Absolutely ok to have a desire. It’s part of God’s gracious power given to us. However, because of the fall of humanity, our desires, just like every other part of our humanity, are mostly faulty, unreliable and contrary to God’s will. However, when we submit our desires to God, He will cause them to fall in line with His wonderful will for our lives. But it’s only that man or woman who is born again and is walking in the Spirit that would understand and accept this. Otherwise, he or she will remain carnal even in his/her desires. The Spirit of God purifies our heart, and makes us to walk in the ways/wills/purpose of the Lord in every area of our life.
2. Abraham, Isaac, others: Abraham got married as an “unbeliever” [Gen. 11:27-32]. In that case, he could not have trusted the God he didn’t know for a wife! However, he was later saved with “his household” [Lk. 19:9, Jn. 4:53, Josh. 24:15]. Isaac, on the other hand, is an excellent example. PLS READ THROUGH GEN. 24 WHOLLY. There you will discover the role God played in the choice of marriage partner for Isaac. That’s always my model. If you are a Christian, you too are a child of promise like Isaac [Gal. 3:27-29]; and God would not wish that you have your destiny bent or truncated through wrong marriage. He is thus interested in getting you rightly married according to His will for your life.
3. How do I know God’s will? : I hope I have sent you my message titled “Knowing the Will of God”? If not ask for it. If so, pls go to read it. I am more detailed on this subject there. Meanwhile, let me tell you here and now that, if truly you are God’s child, then there must be something wrong from your end if you don’t hear Him! May be you have spiritually immature spirit ears! May be you are too full of your own will! May be …..!!! Pls ensure you develop close relationship with God, and get matured in Him as prerequisite to being able to hear and understand His voice. He speaks through various channels. Dream is just one of it; not even the safest! Finally, I always insist in warning every believing Singles that it is always dangerous to be moved into a relationship but by the word of God. If God had not said anything about your choice, you have not heard anything! Only the word from the Lord is sure buckler against future storms, doubts and regrets. Be wise.

If you have not heard God, wait until you hear Him! He is a speaking God! Keep praying and watching for His word ….. till it comes! It will surely come; only that you must be sensitive to it and be able to receive it by faith when it comes.

 

 

Question:

Is it advisable to share details of one’s past with a spouse? What should be done when a spouse insists not to share and the other insist otherwise? What should be done when a spouse’ past is too terrible to swallow? What should be done when a spouse insist on maintaining relationship with ex-lovers? Thank you and God bless.

 Answer:

Thanks for trusting us with this inquiry. We hope the Holy Spirit gives you the answer beyond this response.

One of the main pillars of a successful marriage relationship is “marital openness”. By this, we mean the two spouses being completely vulnerable to each other without fears. In that case, it is incumbent on each spouse to be willing to and actually lay all information concerning himself / herself – past, present and future – on an open sheet before his / her partner. In that case, the devil is denied of any “secret” that could become his weapon to wreck the home in the future. However, the other spouse is equally love-bound not to use the divulged information as “a weapon of war” against the other. Actually, this is the fear of many spouses who keep away “sensitive information” [esp their dirty past] from their partners. They are probably willing to talk; but they could not trust that their spouses would be matured and sensible enough to realize that their past has actually passed away! Yes, it is a story that even God has overlooked! It is a past that does not disturb God’s present glory in a life. After all, we all have a past; and we all have some filthiness on our past garments!

However, I feel the only thing worrisome is “when a spouse insists on maintaining relationship with ex-lovers”. What kind of relationship? Why should that be? That kind of relationship is a very risky one. It is one that opens the individual to temptation. It is advisable that every link that could relive past amorous feelings should be totally cut off. Her/his innocence [if that be the case] might be capitalized upon by an ex-lover who desires relive of the past  experience!  The Bible advises us to “flee form every appearance of evil”.

What should you do if the spouse “insists” on continuing to relate with ex-lover? Take the matter to God in loving prayer. Seek out help – from your Pastor, if he is worthy; from a worthy counselor, if you have one you can both trust [because it must involve you, your spouse and the counselor in the atmosphere of godly love and wisdom]. May be she/he doesn’t appreciate the danger such kind of insistence poses! In the meantime, it is important you don’t give in cheaply to ungodly suggestion that “it is better to separate from your spouse”. With God, things could be sorted out within the relationship: and, indeed, that is the will of God. He hates divorce!

 

 

Question:

Delay in marriage, whose fault? Self or Satan?

 Answer:

People talk of ‘delay’ when expectation tarries in coming. When our desire is not fulfilled at the time we planned or thought it should be, we talk of delay. However, the first thing we should realize is that while we truly have real delay, some sense of delay is quite unreal and mere feeling! More so, most times, men see delay from the mirror of human timing. We see delay when we walk by our own plan and goal. God’s timing for our life is a perfect schedule that we most often fail to consider and subject our plans to. In that sense, what is God’s perfect timing is ignorantly taken for delay by mortals!

Delay in getting married, whose cause? It could be God. Sometimes, the Devil. Most times, ourselves! Marriage is just a part of God’s wholesome plan for our life. In the real sense, the most salient blessing of marriage is to help us fulfill God’s purpose for our life – that is, our destiny. In other words, God’s ultimate purpose for our life is the main driver of our marriage. Now, there are important preparations our life must undergo in order to make us fit for both our marriage and God’s purpose for our life. God needs our submission or willingness in order to be prepared by His hands. When a man delays in submitting his life to divine hands and quarry, many things get deliberately held back concerning the individual – and these will most probably include his marriage plan! Every effort at getting married will seem to be hitting the rock. In God’s love, that would be permitted because He wants the life to first and foremost become well set for marriage and His purpose before He does the joining in marriage! Meanwhile, the man is crying ‘delay’ here while God is demanding ‘submission’ in heaven!

Could it be the Devil? Yes, it could. We must realize that Satan hates marriage with passion! He hates you a Christian as a person. He hates you the more in marriage: because he understands the meaning of “two are better than one” [Ecclesiastes 4:9-12] than many of us know! He would love to limit his loss with “one chasing a thousand” than to fold his hands and allow “two to put ten thousand to flight”! [Deuteronomy 32:30]. Devil would do all things possible to stop anyone from getting married where he finds the possibility or opportunity – SIN! It could be personal sin or parental sin or communal sin. Wherever he finds sin, he gets his job done!

Yet, delay is mostly self-caused, whether by commission or omission, willfulness or ignorance. Fundamentally, most of us are either ignorant of or careless about God’s master-plan for our life. We do not know nor submit ourselves to His beautiful and perfect schedule for our lives [Psalms 139:16, NLT, LB]. We are tenacious about working by our own myopic and flesh-driven plan. By this, we are quick to cry delay for what is not due us in God’s best plan! On the other hand, however, the sinfulness of the individual is primary causative factor. Sin shorts out divine help and lock out his programme but opens wide door for Satan’s will to be done [Isaiah 59:1-2]. Many of us, having messed up spiritually and morally for many years, would begin to cry delay after just few months of handing over our lives to God! There are others who had even played away there God-sent spouses times and times over! Some do send away their heaven-ordained spouses because he or she fails to meet their own carnal criteria, yet afterward they go about lamenting imaginary delay!  Some who are sitting on gun powder of inherited curses are being crushed by the Devil in their ignorance and inaction! There are so many other self-caused reasons accounting for why many are being held back from getting fixed up maritally. 

On a final note, I am of the opinion that, since we are pivotally responsible for most cases of real delay, we also must take responsibility for stopping it. The earlier we cooperated with God the better, The earlier we remove the rug from the Devils feet and short the door of our lives against him, the better. With God, we can terminate any case of delay in getting married – real or unreal. In God’s schedule for our life, delay is not a content!

 

 

Question:

How do you quantify your success in marriage?

Answer:

How do we quantify success in marriage or a successful marriage? Is it in terms of the number of children born? Is it in terms of the material riches the marriage is enjoying? Is it in number of years it has endured? Or, what? In my opinion, I think the first thing to consider is our definition of success. I believe that success is in achievement of goal or purpose. In that case, a thing can be said to have succeeded when it has achieved the purpose of its being. In that case, we need to find out what the purpose of marriage is. The purpose of marriage is not primarily to have children [although, raising godly children is], nor to make wealth, nor any such ephemeral purposes. Marriage was created by the Creator to help man fulfill his destiny on earth – that is, God’s purpose in his life. I have often told the Singles that it is very important that they know their purpose in life before they get married or, at worst, know it very soon after wedding. This is because, if you do not know God’s purpose for your life, you will not know or appreciate God’s purpose in your marriage – because the purpose of God in your marriage is founded upon God’s purpose for your own life! Actually, your marriage is given to you to help you fulfill God’s purpose for your life – that is, your destiny. In that case, not knowing God’s purpose for your life, abuse or abnormal use of marriage will be inevitable. You will probably then have to create another yardstick for marital success for yourself. Therefore, I believe that a successful marriage is one in which both spouses are fully aware of God’s purpose for their unified life [for they are a “conjugal One” in the sight of God – Matthew 19:6, Malachi 2:15 LB], and are pursuing it and are moving on with God toward its achievement. In the hands of such couple, marriage will be highly treasured and guarded, seeing how congruent to their life’s success marriage is. Though not perfect, not free from common or peculiar challenges, they are resolved to keep moving on the right direction, trusting in God for perfection. In such a marriage, God is pleased and glorified. He will cause His countenance to continually shine upon such a marriage.

 

 

Question:

My husband and I married without love. Even up till now, we have never fallen in love with each other and, for me, I just want to quit the marriage. What can I do?

Answer:

This is rather a strange scenario. I thought a man and a woman usually go into wedlock having “falling in love” for each other – even if the love is carnal! To say you get married with neither of you loving the other is definitely an aberration indeed. Were you forced on each other? Is the marriage a product of manipulation, deception or diabolism? If so, then, there is no marriage in the first place! However, nothing in the context of this question suggests any of these.  And so, you are married already! As far as God is concerned, you are married, and He will not support you quitting the marriage [which is divorce]. You may only quit in defiance of God – to please yourself! But, you will have to be prepared to face God in judgment. So, quitting is not the way out; it is not an option. Rather, I will advise that both of you should acknowledge this present unpleasant state of your relationship and choose together to seek the intervention of God. If you do so sincerely and humbly, God can transform your hearts and fill your hearts with His own type of love towards each other. He can uproot whatever is in your hearts that hinders the growth of genuine love towards each other. You will be surprised how God will change that same relationship from the present “hateful” state to become a love-nest to both of you. You will see your spouse in a new light, and you will hence fall in love for each other day-by-day, endlessly! Stay in there, and work out a new Marriage with your spouse and your God.

 

 

Question:

What if a person is God’s choice for me but I really dislike the person? What should I do?

Answer:

It is not a surprise that, at times, when God reveals to you His choice of marriage partner you do not immediately “like” the person. Essentially, this is because God’s choice will probably “fall short” of your own wish! Surely, God sees not as man sees [1 Samuel 16:7]! While God is looking into the “hidden man of the heart” according to His plan for your life, you are probably looking at your wished-for physical qualities or standards! If you are truly a child of God, I think you will realize that God definitely knows better than you, that He means well for you in life, and that He knows better than you what is best for you.

My advice is, once you are sure the person is God’s will for you, please go for him or her. Do not rebel against the will of God. Disobedience will surely be very costly to you. All you will need to do is to ask and trust the Holy Spirit to plant His fruit of love in you towards the person. He will cause you to love him or her, now not based on his or her physical outlook, but on the working of God’s Spirit. Such love will surely last longer and for life, unlike mushy love that comely appearance do generate. A Brother came to one of our Couples’ Seminar some time ago with her then fiancé. During questions and contributions time, something like this question arose. The Brother said that when he first saw the Sister he is now about to wed in their church, he thought that she must be “a mother of two”! By every standard, on his own choice, he would never have even looked on her side. He said, lo and behold, she was the one God eventually led him to as his marriage partner! He said he found it had to swallow, but he accepted the will of God. He said, now, [he gestured towards the Sister who was sitting by his side] “I never know she is as beautiful as this”! God has definitely changed his perception of her, and planted genuine love in him towards her. This is a real life practical example to learn from. God’s choice will always be the best.

 

 

Question:

With the advancement of social media and their influence on the children, how and what can the parents do to check this trend in order to raise a godly seed? 

Answer:

As the saying goes, “Information rules the world”. Surely, information is very powerful. Our thoughts and deeds are greatly influenced and fashioned by the information (verbal and non-verbal; hearing or sight) we are exposed to. Information is like seed; they must produce some fruit. Every seed of information will produce after its own kind! That is why me must be very careful with what sort of information we expose ourselves to. This is especially critical when it comes to little children, because of their innocent and very susceptible minds. They easily digest whatever information that comes their way! They can easily be bent by information – positive or negative! Therefore, we need to watch over them and guide them aright herein.

Thank God for social media, ditto info-tech generally. “We are in information age”. The word has become “a global village” where information – all sorts – flows virtually without barriers! The social media in particular had become a warehouse for all sorts of information. It has become a market-place for widely diverse information-mix – the good, the bad, the ugly. And, our children are blatantly exposed to all these, solicited or unsolicited! Yet, they oft lack the requisite maturity to sieve the information-mix! In this case, our children’s minds need to be intentionally fed with the right information, even as they are helped to develop the right and matured mind to separate the grains from the chaff as far as the “public information” they are exposed to is concerned. We should make ourselves available and free with them, so that they can freely and bold share their minds with us. By that, we can easily discern what kinds of information they are exposed to.

What is that “good information” that we must give to our children? Remember that the goal is to raise them to become “godly seed”. Therefore, the information that they require must be “godly information”. We must expose them to rich dosage of “the truth”: the word of God. God commands godly parents to train up their children “in the way they should go” [Prov. 22:6]. Teaching must be an important element in our training scheme. According to Deut. 6:1-10, we are enjoined to teach them intentionally, intensively and extensively. We must adopt every feasible means to teach our children the truth. Of course, we ourselves must know the truth and live the truth before we can successfully teach our children the truth and have the moral right to demand compliance.

Finally, we must continually pray for our children. We must trust them into the hand of their Owner – God [Psa. 127:1]. We must pray that the Holy Spirit will possess their spirits, that He should strengthen their minds against any information that could impact or influence them negatively. With our part well-done, we can trust God to do His part in their making as godly seed.

God bless you.

 

 

Question:

Whose decision should stand at home on children discipline – the father’s or the mother’s?

 Answer:

Thank you for your question.

Straight away, I will say, “Both”! Both parents must work together or have a common view and ground on the discipline of their children. In everything, the Two must be One. Of course, it is good if the father is in the fore-front at initiating the right mode. The mother should be co-operative and supportive with the daddy. The two of them should agree any difference in or diversity of ideas privately.

It is going to be a monumental disaster for the two parents to take different courses to children’s training, cum discipline. It will send discordant tune to the children! They will be confused which of the divide is right. Again, this will create loophole for them to go “their own way”! That could even set the parents against themselves! We must therefore avoid that destructive option by all means.