JUST “I”, “ME” & “MINE”!

Helpthefamily 206 Comments

One of the major problems and, of course, root of many evils in not a few homes is that of self-centeredness or selfishness. In most cases, one spouse stands accused of this ill; yet, in fewer cases, we could come about situations whereby the two are severally and jointly guilty of this fault!

The plan of God is to see the two individuals coming together in marriage “lost” their individuality and selfism in order to become ONE in all. So much the Lord Jesus Christ reveals to us in Matt. 19:6, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate”.  Obviously, nothing could be more explicit than this.

They are no longer two. This means that, before the coming together of the two in marriage relationship, each of them is free to be individualistic, selfish, self-centered: be I,I,I; Me, Me, Me; Mine, Mine, Mine alone. But, after the wedding, no longer! That self-focus must cease henceforth. No longer “Mine”, “Me”, “I”. The two former “selfs” are expected to be dead and dissolved into the new “One flesh”.

All the pre-marital self-interests, self-ambitions, self-properties, self-alls must become harmonized and become “One” the moment the marriage is consecrated. As long as you allow such “self” considerations to remain alive in you, you yet abide alone!

God’s mysterious arithmetic formula works out marriage thus: 1 + 1 = 1. In this case, I perceive that 1 – 1 = -1 [not but worse than zero!]. That is, One spouse – the Other [on any issue] = less than Marriage [of God’s plan]!

For it to work out for you in line with God’s ideal marriage, every consideration of your “self” can only be complete and acceptable if it has consideration for your spouse’s. Otherwise, you are guilty of selfishness! That will definitely be injurious to your marriage building efforts.

If, for instance, whenever you are planning to buy a dress for yourself you fail to buy [or, at least, think] “double”, you are selfish! You might even be selfish with “your” [rather than “our”] car. Sometime, it might be that you are contemplating a career change or even residential relocation. If you think and/or act alone herein, then, you are a self-centered fellow! If your spouse is feeling joyful and you aren’t, you are self-centered! If when your spouse is sick you aren’t “feeling” sickly, then you are self-absorbed! If you withhold any assistance within your best ability to see to the well-being and profit of you spouse, believe me, you are simply a selfist!!!

In summary, anything you think, say, do, have, love, hate, etc. not in mutuality and oneness with your spouse makes you guilty of selfism and seperatory!  That will make you the “man” who’s putting asunder that which God has joined together. In that case, you’ll have to contend with the One who joined you together – God!

One major reason I believe accounts for selfish tendencies in marriage is the predisposition of one spouse to see his/her partner as “another person” rather than himself/herself. This is a sure evidence of a heart that is unenlightened about the divine workings and all-absorbing and far-reaching implications of that sacred union.

I wish every man would see his wife with a clear spiritual mind like father Adam. When Adam saw Eve, he was sure he wasn’t seeing just another creature [e.g., a new animal]; he saw “himself”. That’s why instinctively he soliloquized immediately he saw the woman: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” [Gen, 2:22-23]. He “saw” himself in his wife. He recognized that the “new person” shared with him “creative commonness” [Gen. 5:2]. Whenever he looked at his wife, he wasn’t seeing another person but “himself”. This godly “seeing” [revelation, discovery, understanding] also shaped his mindset and his dealings with his dear wife.

I can assure you that Eve must have had similar experience. That accounts for why there wasn’t an iota of dissenting response or protestation from her when she heard the man calling her “my bone, my flesh”. She obviously agreed that she was indeed Adam’s “bone and flesh” and not another’s [bone and fresh]. Oh that every wife would see her husband in like manner!

Now, friend, you need to have another look at your spouse, this time, however, with the mind of God. If what you are seeing now is no longer “that person” you used to see but “yourself”, then your victory over the “self” troubles is more than half-gained. I agree this might not be that easy. Not with your traditional and biased mindset! But with God, all things are possible. Ask God to help you to have a new understanding of the personhood of your spouse, and to begin to see him/her as “your bone and flesh”. Pray selfishness out of your life and you can be sure of God answering such a prayer speedily.

Just as “no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it” [Eph. 5:29], so are you unlikely henceforth going to be selfish towards your spouse, i.e. your own flesh. Henceforth, be deliberate and determined to put to consistent demonstration unselfish attitude and acts towards your own spouse. Kill the selfishness in you; and a new inseparable and solid “Oneness” will be born in you and your spouse!

May God help you!

Author: Dayo St. John

[Pastor Dayo St. John is God’s Helmsman for Help for the Family Ministry. He and his family, as well as the Ministry’s Headquarters, are based in Lagos, Nigeria.]

For any enquiry, please contact:

info@helpforthefamily.com

helpforthefamilyministry@gmail.com

Note: Be a part of our daily devotional tagged “THE FAMILY ALTAR”. It is posted on weekly tranches (Sunday – Saturday) on our Website [on the page: THE FAMILY ALTAR], and daily on the Ministry’s FB Page: www.facebook.com/HelpfortheFamilyMinistryLagosNigeria

Get your copies of deeply enriching books from Pastor Dayo St. John, on AMAZON! Please visit www.amazon.com/author/dayostjohn

MARRIED MAN & WOMAN

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